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Saturday, April 10, 2004

 

Here's the probable cover for the Calamity chapbook. I find designing covers a fascinating method of procrastinating on the writing of the actual poems. Bah. At the end of this month, I will have written 30 Calamity poems, to be added to the 17 I'd already written. Since I need only 20-25 for the chapbook, this means that on top of writing them, I'm going to have to weed them. It seems like there should be a company that does this for you. Division of labor is terribly efficient.

Maybe that will be my next project. Factory poems! One person picks the words, one person strings them together, one person revises, and one person chooses which poems will make up the chapbook.

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How many poems is too many poems? The world may never know.


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Friday, April 09, 2004

 

Here's NaPoWriMo #9. I guess the sonnet is deeply ingrained in me; the poem turned out at fourteen lines without my even meaning it. Not sure what the poem means, or if it means enough, but I find it oddly comforting.

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Have a porcelain figurine of Anna Akhmatova.

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Thursday, April 08, 2004

 

NaPoWriMo #8 is up. It was generated by using the following grid:

CALAMITY
YCALAMIT
TYCALAMI
ITYCALAM
MITYCALA
AMITYCAL
LAMITYCA
ALAMITYC
CALAMITY

Most of the words I used come from Venedikt Erofeev's "Moscow to the End of the Line."

UPDATE: Now that I'm looking at it, I think I'll use the grid as part of the layout for the cover of the chapbook. O, beautiful Photoshop, soon I shall be with you again.

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I think someone should invent a talking blurb-generator to make people who do not have a book feel better about their poetry. Whenever you felt down, you could push a little button that would then announce something like, "Future generations will weep inconsolably over our own time's inability to comprehend the preternatural beauty of XXXX's work."

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The Devil & Daniel Webster or The Mullet of Daniel Nester?

I missed his title deadline by seven minutes. Dang.

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Wednesday, April 07, 2004

 

NaPoWriMo #7, entitled Calamity is a Post-Soviet Adaptation of a Horatio Alger Novel, is up. It contains a gratuitous use of the word "blingbling," sentences lifted from Horatio Alger novels, sentences lifted from critiques of Horatio Alger novels, and sentences lifted from the speeches of Fidel Castro. Wacklicious.

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The mystery of Petrarch's head.

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Tuesday, April 06, 2004

 

Does everyone live in Brooklyn? Borough envy is supposed to work the other way, you know.

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Here's a poem I wrote in my head while in the bathtub. It is autobiographical, and therefore dedicated to everyone I've ever met.


Euro-Chinese Water Torture, Vols. 1 & 2

Le Poisson Poison
Was the name
Of my father's fake
French Restaurant.

The 99-Dollar Experiment
Was the name of his ship.

Bob Villa his house.

My mother named her
Dog , my sister her
Punk band, and
Lindsey and I named
Our concept album.

After the initial sixteen minutes
Of a strained voice saying "drip"
In a Hungarian accent,

The machine guns cut in.

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NaPoWriMo #6 is up. Thanks to Marcus Aurelius for so obligingly coming up with the story to fill my concept.

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Amused by the Melic Review's take on the most pervasive mistake made by submitting poets. I've been feeling that my problem is a lack of words; my poems getting so spare, and with such little vocabularies.

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So, here's a poem I "wrote" by siccing Microsoft Word's AutoSummarize feature onto the first volume of nineteenth-century penny dreadful and notable public domain work "Varney the Vampire; or, The Feast of Blood." I just discovered the AutoSummarize feature today; had I only known, I would have done this a long time ago.

The full first volume of Varney, when cut and paste into Word in 12-point Times New Roman font, runs to more than 600 pages. This is what you get when you order Microsoft to pummel it down to 100 words. I love it. The end is freaking fantastic!


Varney the Vampire; or, The Feast of Blood

"Flora! Flora -- Flora -- "
"The vampyre, Henry." Henry started.
"Yes, Henry. Flora, dear Flora!"
"Henry," said Charles.
"Henry!" "Sir?"
HENRY'S AGREEMENT WITH SIR FRANCIS VARNEY. "Marchdale."
"Farewell, sir."
"Henry -- Henry."
"Admiral Bell."
"Well?"
"Very well, sir."
"Hilloa, sir!" "Well?"
"Flora! Flora!"
"Varney -- Varney, the vampyre."
"Varney!" exclaimed Henry; "Varney here!"
"Sir Francis Varney?"
TO SIR FRANCIS VARNEY.
"Well?"
"Well -- well."
"Well."
"Charles -- Charles -- Charles!"
-- "Charles! Charles!" "No, Henry." "Charles! Charles! Charles! Charles! Farewell, sir!" -- SIR FRANCIS VARNEY'S DANGER. -- Sir Francis Varney's Danger. -- Sir Francis Varney's Danger. -- Sir Francis Varney's Danger. "Sir Francis Varney."
"Well?"
"Well?"
"Well?"
"Well?"
"Well."

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I read an Amazon review today that made reference to a book's "underlining theme." And no, the book was not entitled "Graphical Emphasis for Dummies."

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Monday, April 05, 2004

 

NaPoWriMo #4 and #5 are up. #4 is a hay(na)ku, and I don't even think #5 is a poem. But it's not anything else, either.

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Day 2 of reading The Poetics of Space and wishing it was about astronauts.

Purchased:

Matthea Harvey: Sad Little Breathing Machine
Lisa Jarnot: Black Dog Songs
Tony Tost: Invisible Bride
Paul Killebrew: Forget Rita

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Went to the Frequency reading yesterday. Up at bat: John Cotter, Paul Killebrew, and Peter Streckfuss.

John's reading was not so much a reading as an impromptu play. For example:

John: (reads poem)
Phone rings.
Shafer: John! John, stop reading!
Shafer picks up phone
Shafer: Nice job calling in the middle of the fucking reading, Miguel!
...
Shafer: Oh. I thought you were a different Miguel. Sorry for cursing at you.

Or...

John: (reads poem)
Shafer: John and I are in love!
John: Shafer and I need to discuss what our relationship is.

Got some lines down anyway...

"memory: green shadows of gray birds"
"I am rendered extraterrestrial by a Panama hat."
"We don't need no chandeliers."

Paul Killebrew followed.

"It's a gay world.
A gay gay world.
A gay gay, gay world
And I want to be president!"

"All the satanic pharmaceutical companies will never find a cure for the make-out fever, because everyone wants it."

"I'm feeling the sunlight buzz around me like a fanclub."

"I want to be fat and pricey, like my parents' berber carpet."

Peter Streckfuss was last, and I unfortunately don't have anything recorded, because I suddenly began writing a poem about his feet. But I did catch the bit about lichee nuts.

Feet poem to follow in the next day or so, hopefully. Still trying to see if it's going to shape up into anything.

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The Pulitzer Prizes were announced today...the poetry award goes to Franz Wright's "Walking to Martha's Vineyard."

Meanwhile, in Bizarro-World (I mean, SFGate.com), Billy Collins is being compared to Proust.

Like Proust (another master explorer of boredom's fugue states), Collins seizes on the memory-laden craft item as a connective to his youth and the uncountable emotional debts he owes his mother. "I was as sure as a boy could be," he writes, "that this useless, worthless thing I wove/out of boredom would be enough to make us even."

Feh. Everyone knows the best poetic statement on boredom is Berryman's Dream Song 14. Mother issues indeed.

Anyhoo, I will return tonight with a reading review of yesterday's fractious Frequency series, and two, count-em-two, new NaPoWriMo poems. I know. I'm one behind. But I like totally wrote the missing one out in my notebook yesterday. Swearsies.

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