So I've decided to kill you. All of you! It's gonna be fun.
But America's all about options, right? Right. So, I've collected some totally rad and awesome means o' death for you to pick from. Go ahead -- make your day!
let's say . . . strychnine, spiders, piano-dropped-from-top-floor, thrombosis, dropsy, two-by-four to skull, car wreck, hunting accident, craft project gone awry, masked banditry, forgot-to-read labels on cleaning supplies before mixing them, shouldn't be parasailing at your age, bear attack, ballooning accident, the staggers, fear of flying, peacefully in sleep (or is it?), congested woodchipper, drowned in molasses, they told you never to climb in an empty refrigerator, alien abduction, genetically modified killer tomato, escalator plus loose shoelace, massive irony exposure, vitamin deficiency, clocked in the chest by an angry Oscar de la Hoya, forget to feed self while watching Meerkat Manor marathon, fallen in frozen pond with no Jimmy Stewart in sight, who knew there were snakes in there, arsenic leaking from vintage wallpaper, evil health nuts concealing razor blades in organic bananas, too much creosote, terminal carpal tunnel, vampire, defenestration + impalement (thanks Jeffrey Eugenides), spinach, forgot to wear lead apron during dental x-rays, I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Suicide, disco inferno . . .
posted by Reen |link| 0 comments
