Pearl diving isn't really what your mom
had in mind when she told you to get
an after-school job but the pay
is good, you meet interesting people,
and you can now hold your breath
for up to two minutes without
blacking out. It's pretty repetitive
but you can think your own
thoughts and you're pretty sure
that your musculature is being noised
around the girl's locker room as
"hot." Breathe, dive, sink, feel
around, grab, push off, and repeat.
Except for today! For today is
the day you breathe, dive, sink,
feel around for oysters, grab, and
OW MY GOD THE PAIN THE ENDLESS PAIN,
push off, push off! For you have startled
an eel! A moray eel and it will not
let go and all the guys on
the boat will laugh at you and the
girls in the locker room will look at
your bandaged finger and giggle
"he was attacked by, get this, an eel.
Like, I've eaten eel. It's like getting
attacked by a chicken." Or will
all the guys on board shamble up,
and circling you, reveal nubs and
scars from their own close
encounters with the eely kind and
welcome you into their grizzled
brotherhood of men who have
confronted the ocean's terrible
secrets and lived to tell the tale
and the girls will all think your
scar is cool and romantic and
you can flash it to Courtney Davison,
head cheerleader, while proferring
an oyster with a flawless pearl,
saying, in a suddenly baritone voice,
"I have faced countless and unimaginable
dangers, my love, for the pleasure of
giving you this," but you're bleeding
and the eel is thrashing and sharks
can smell blood from five miles
away and they can probably teleport
too or else they've been watching
you the entire time wondering if
this is their best bet to taste human
or if it's even worth getting their teeth
dirty on anyone who'll let an eel
intimidate him and ow ow, whose fucking
brilliant idea was it to put salt in
sea water, and aw man, the captain's
telling you you're gonna need stitches,
and aw man, you know what that means:
now you're mom's gonna make you quit
and work at Arby's. Aw man. An eel. Aw man.
posted by Reen |link| 0 comments
