The Superman Bitch Session Poems
One
It's BS, all that Caped Crusader, Dark Knight stuff. Hello, other people's parents are dead. And hey, guess what? My whole planet's gone, too. And the powers, oh yeah, he doesn't have any real powers; that makes him so cool. Newsflash: he's got the only power that matters on this pissant blue marble: money. Up the wazzoo. He's just Lex Luthor, but with less laughs. And seriously: the guy needs a tan.
Two:
At least I've got Metropolis sewn up. It's always sunny here; we've got a way better climate than Gotham, and I work for a living. I can be proud. But when I catch Lois sneaking a peak at the Gotham News and making noise about a transfer, not even my X-ray vision can calm me down.
Three
Went home to Smallville for a break. I can always count on mom and dad, honest farm folk. They put things in perspective. But this morning, mom said maybe I should think about wearing something darker: the primary colors are just a little too . . . well, flashy, don't you think, Clark? This season is all about a more sophisticated look, something sleeker, more urban. I asked her where all these ideas were coming from, and you know what? Trading Spaces, my ass.
Four
He never shows up. Can't even bother to be civil. Thinks a night off for champagne and a little canoodling with Wonder Woman is frivolity. If he thinks the annual awards show is so uncool, I wonder why he bothers always writing such a lengthy freaking RSVP-and-you-guys-can-blow-me message.
Five
If I send a PayPal donation to the Joker's legal defense fund, does that make me a terrorist?
Six
Scratch that last one. Sometimes I don't know what I'm thinking. Case in point: used superspeed to turn the earth back, reversing the course of time to six p.m. last Sunday, just before 60 Minutes' broadcast of its profile of MC Broodypants. And sort of, you know, caused a nationwide power outage. What can you do, really? I'm starting to see where Lex is coming from and that wigs me. I need to calm down, get back on track. Time for a trip to the Fortress of Solitude: I mean, that's kind of cool, right? Fortress of Solitude? Cool holograms from a destroyed planet? Interplanetary zoo? He totally doesn't have an interplanetary zoo. I own that one. Yeah.
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