Tuesday, April 06, 2004

 

So, here's a poem I "wrote" by siccing Microsoft Word's AutoSummarize feature onto the first volume of nineteenth-century penny dreadful and notable public domain work "Varney the Vampire; or, The Feast of Blood." I just discovered the AutoSummarize feature today; had I only known, I would have done this a long time ago.

The full first volume of Varney, when cut and paste into Word in 12-point Times New Roman font, runs to more than 600 pages. This is what you get when you order Microsoft to pummel it down to 100 words. I love it. The end is freaking fantastic!


Varney the Vampire; or, The Feast of Blood

"Flora! Flora -- Flora -- "
"The vampyre, Henry." Henry started.
"Yes, Henry. Flora, dear Flora!"
"Henry," said Charles.
"Henry!" "Sir?"
HENRY'S AGREEMENT WITH SIR FRANCIS VARNEY. "Marchdale."
"Farewell, sir."
"Henry -- Henry."
"Admiral Bell."
"Well?"
"Very well, sir."
"Hilloa, sir!" "Well?"
"Flora! Flora!"
"Varney -- Varney, the vampyre."
"Varney!" exclaimed Henry; "Varney here!"
"Sir Francis Varney?"
TO SIR FRANCIS VARNEY.
"Well?"
"Well -- well."
"Well."
"Charles -- Charles -- Charles!"
-- "Charles! Charles!" "No, Henry." "Charles! Charles! Charles! Charles! Farewell, sir!" -- SIR FRANCIS VARNEY'S DANGER. -- Sir Francis Varney's Danger. -- Sir Francis Varney's Danger. -- Sir Francis Varney's Danger. "Sir Francis Varney."
"Well?"
"Well?"
"Well?"
"Well?"
"Well."

posted by Reen |link| 0 comments

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